I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
