before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
