Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize