There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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