God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
