You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
