So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
