What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
