Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
