Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you inspire me to be a worse person
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
