We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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