So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
