You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
