i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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