My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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