the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
