I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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