He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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