a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
