She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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