Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
