so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
zippers are such a cool invention
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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