I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
