i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
