I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
everyone is single if you try hard enough
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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