Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
