can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
