i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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