My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
