help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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