I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
