Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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