they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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