ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
