smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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