In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
