respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
