ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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