You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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