so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
