This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
