i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
