So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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