I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
