Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
