Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
