be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize