the condom got lost in my hair
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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