Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my shit smells like andre
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This gyro tastes like lonliness
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
