Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
