They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
