I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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