I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
