Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
