You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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