carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
This is the high leading the old right now
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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