I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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