for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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