1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
