this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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