dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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