My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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