Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
